For a couple of days now I have been feeling "stressed". Have you ever wondered what feeling "stressed" actually means ... is it an emotional thing? is it a physical thing? is it a psychological thing? Well actually it is all of these to most of us, but different people will experience it differently. To me it is usually a physical thing that alerts me first: appetite irregular, unrefreshing sleep, feeling wired and on edge and well as notable changes in mood, ease and concentration. Today I can feel my system is on edge.
In very simple terms within your body this is called "fight or flight" and means that your system has identified something in your environment as difficult, dangerous or threatening and has mobilized your body to get ready for the fight or to run like hell. I am sure that if we were living in cave-man days and the world outside had a whole host of things that go bump in the night and would like to have you as their dinner, then such a mechanism is an exceptionally useful thing.
We do however no longer live with the sable-tooth tigers that like humans for snacks but have replaced this danger with a whole truck load of other "dangerous" things. So, considering that my body is showing me all the signs of being ready and able, there must be an imminent danger with my surroundings.... lets have a look? table, computer, cup of tea, cat and the lovely surrounding of my cozy kitchen. No sable-tooth tiger, no vicious snake, no menacing burglar .. not even that offensive smells that the old drainage pipes usually give off in this georgian house. Absolutely nothing!!! is that even possible .... well, of course it it. That's because the most important aspect of your "stress" response of "fight or flight" is .... your interpretation of the impending danger. That's right its all in your head ..... well, not quite... but definitely your mind is a BIG part of it.
Imagine you are at my house and a package arrives by post. Neither of us know what the contents are. We open the box and inside is a great big snake - how would you react? sweaty palms, increased heart rate and breathing, a kind of wired state of alert and you'd most probably jump back in horror. Sounds a lot like my "stressed" out situation I described earlier on right? But then why, in the same moment with the same snake am I standing next to you with a grin on my face and make cooing noises stroking the snake being ultra relaxed - well, because I like snakes, I happen to know that this one isn't dangerous and I am fascinated by them. Same situation - different interpretation - different physical outcome.
Of course many people are afraid of snakes and wanting to flee from them is a common reaction. Still it highlights a very important aspect of the "stress" reaction. No matter how big or small the event is, the thing that switches the stress switch on ALERT is your interpretation. Your interpretation can be as a result of many different thoughts or occurrences - actual experiences with snakes, memory, imagination, you may have seen a movie about snakes or someone may have told you a scary story. What all of these modulators of interpretations will have in common in order to switch on the "fight or flight" is, that you believe that being in the presence or close to the snake will have more drawbacks than benefits. Huh? I hear you say .. of course the thing might jump, or bite or whatever??? Still if you take a close look at your thoughts that fuel the fear, they will all be about worst-case-scenario and its uncomfortable, even life-threatening repercussions.
Stress is about your interpretation of what is going on. So lets take a closer look at what is going on in my interpretation. For about 2 weeks now I have had to deal with a scenario where someone quite passionately does not agree with something I have done. I however feel that what I have done was "right" and so I feel them to be judgemental and criticising. Interestingly, that person never said outright that I am wrong - it is my interpretation of the scenario that matters here and that has the ability to switch on the stress response. Still, just being criticised and judged will affect many people in a similar way - yet some people it does NOT.... why is that? The reason that I react strongly to criticism and judgement is again built on a cascade of experiences, both real and imagined. What is however significant and a common thread tying together the themes with that cascade is, that I believe criticism and judgement have more drawbacks than benefits.
Think about it. When your mind has a wealth of evidence that something is both "good" and bad" equally - your body does not need to react with "fight or flight"......well is it or isn't it an emergency??? Errr.... both... neither??? In reality your body actually has two different systems that you ebb and flow in and out of all day: they are the "fight or flight" and "rest and relax" also know as the sympathetic nervous system and the para-sympathetic nervous system. Still switching from one to another is not only about what is in actuality happening in your surroundings, but far more powerfully your interpretation of whether or not this is a "danger".
Can you get stressed about something that isn't there at all - absolutely. Fear and panic attacks, both of which I have alot of personal experience with are often more based on the one-sided perceptions and un-balanced conclusions that your mind makes with regards to a future event that, in your belief, holds more negatives than positives.
What would you say if I told you that every situation has both and equal - benefits and drawbacks, both and equal - positives and negative. Well, then logic would say that there is no need to panic. What if I could show you that everything you fear and worry about has both and equal - benefits ad drawbacks, both and equal, positives and negatives... well then there would be no need to worry, fear and panic. Stress is something you can directly influence and balance out by seeing the inherent balance that is all around you already !
Sounds almost too simple to be true, right??. Well, Simple in actuality, but takes work and dedication to translate into reality. It takes time to prove to your mind that "reality" really is only your own unique interpretation of the world around you and the people in it - and that half the story is missing here usually. In actuality there is always a balance of both - and + in every situation, yet your mind due to memory and imagination will tell you that it has only one-side - fuelling either infatuation or resentment - telling you only half the truth,
More on how to balance your mind in the next post, but for now have a think about where the sable-tooth tigers are hiding in your life, real or imagined:)
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